My Friends Ate Grapes Under the Table at Midnight…I Sent a ‘U Up?’ Text?
Across cultures, there are countless ways to manifest romance for the new year.
In Ireland, you slip a sprig of mistletoe under your pillow before bed; in Brazil, you jump over seven waves; in Italy, you make sure to wear red lingerie (yes, under clothing counts!); et in Spain, you eat 12 grapes at midnight. Of course, if you learned Spanish History at the prestigious TikTok University, you’re eating the grapes under a table.*
This NYE, a few friends ironically (for the views) partook in the under-the-table grape grind (did I mention it's 12 grapes in the first full minute of the new year?) et some laid down serious romantic intentions in other ways: journaling, praying, wicca-ing. I, like many, consider myself a lovergirl (shoutout to Teena Marie). But when the clock struck 12, et my friends released their intentions into the universe, I…sent a “u up?” text.
For the record it wasn’t a bar for bar “u up?” text. I’m more fun et clever than that. But it was in the neighborhood of an “u up?” text—same townhouse, different decor.
I’m not abandoning my hope for romance in a dating world so cold. Although being cynical about it would be easy. The dating pool doesn’t have pee in it—it’s completely dry. We’re all standing in a tiled ditch with our swimsuits on, pretending to have fun.
Dry swimming aside, there’s a civil war going on—the battle of wanting deep, soulful connections while deeply exploring all your desires. *eyebrows eyebrows*
Here you are, with a heart open to love et a body seeking intimacy. But balancing both ends of this extreme spectrum in a dating “pool”–ditch, where withholding intimacy is thought to lead to better romantic chances... it’s a tricky line.
I saw a Reel recently where a woman talked about blocking your blessings by being “too distracted” to receive them. One of her bars literally was, “If you want roses, you gotta put your rose down.” So masturbation is the problem now?! Gheesh, y’all are STRICT.
I get it, though. After the bad Bumble ad of 2024, the overturn of Roe v. Wade, et an onslaught of other reasons, the girlies are abstaining to seek healthier connections with men who don’t harbor harmful political views or lack general compassion. Tbh it’s a miracle you can be even turned on anymore et yet…
If you’re a person who desires a love connection, but also loves sex... where does that leave you?
There’s still a lingering societal expectation that women should only sleep with someone they’re serious about—anything else is deemed a waste of time.* Though the idea of abstaining from sex to earn true love sounds like an undercover scam. Like going to school for graphic design when you’re already a self-taught graphic designer.
“But formal education gives you connections!” Oh, so I’m overpaying for LinkedIn Premium? Tea.
But tying abstinence to romantic love leaves an entire group of people standing around—like Summer Walker at the 2019 Soul Train Awards—believing sex is inherently a distraction. That denies us the ability to hold space for both physical et emotional intimacy. If you ask me, that’s human complexity erasure.
When you see both romantic and physical intimacy as needs, you have to understand that they don’t always operate within the same timeline. Thankfully, most romantic rulebooks are made up et situational. Conditions apply—but your dating coach can’t tell you that.
Sometimes sex is healing, sometimes it’s fun, et sometimes it’s just an expression of where you are in the moment. If you’re sharing your body with someone who respects you, et whom you respect in return—is that a distraction or…exercise? I joke (kinda), but will it really put you off your romantic course if you take a quick et cute stop at a back alley *eyebrows eyebrows*
Ultimately this tango of balance comes down to two important questions: what do I want right now? Et am I brave enough to honor that without shame? Sometimes the answers will change (which is allowed!!) We’re all allowed to change our minds when new information presents itself or when we grow. Sometimes you’ll want the sugar rush of deep intimate chit chats, other times, you’ll want to throw it back like a bouquet.
Et it isn’t about choosing one over the other. It’s not a contradiction to seek love while living in the moment—it’s humanity. It’s about being honest with yourself et allowing that to be enough.
You can love love, et still revel in the joy, of the physical connection. Love, sex, marriage, hoes, they’re all just tools we use—if we know what we’re building.
Personally, I’m building a life where love et pleasure coexist, so pass me that hoe would ya?
FOOTNOTES
*The addition of the table was founded on TikTok for TikTok. It has no historical connection to the traditional Spanish ritual—so feel free to eat your grapes standing on your head for all I care.
*An orgasm could never be a waste of my time.
*Mutual respect is the major key. There’s a disconnect when people equate sex without romantic love to promiscuity, irresponsibility, or a lack of self-respect. But to me, that’s just an indication of what they might do if pure pleasure was on the table.
