Post-Rut Clarity, y/Project & Why I Chose the Skirt Over the Situationship
We’ve all been there, entangled in an entanglement that’s gone a little too far.
Maybe ‘twas a summer fling that started in June but somehow it’s March et you’re still casually relationshiping away or maybe it was a cute pop out to get your groove back post breakup et you notice they’ve been popping into your apartment for the past 8 months.
Whatever the rhyme or reason, we listen et we don’t judge. Although maybe we should start judging??? For growth reasons.
After many, many months (we don’t need to disclose the exact number. Just know it was less than a year but over six months) I’m walking away from a casual relationship that’s no longer serving me, et all I got was a y/Project mini skirt.
Are you wearing th—
Margiela SS2018 cut-out cowboy boots? Yeah, I am.
What started as a Valentine’s Day with foreplay et flowers ended with an emotional flop et blooming self realization. There’s just something about the guy you’ve been tangling thighs with for months saying “I just don’t want you to fall in love with me” that will grab you by your well pressed collar et violently throw you back into the realm of reality.
A bouquet that matches my guitar nonetheless!
Is there a bigger turn off than someone thinking you lack self awareness about your own feelings et desires? Probably. A lack of sexual discipline is pretty up there, but I digress. In a casual dynamic you may not take a person romantically serious but you should take them seriously as a person. Positioning yourself as a power that needs to manage another person’s emotions is an interesting way to spend time.
In the end, we can be casual without being condescending.
The morning after included a sudden realization:
Well this is boring.
Like a Wes Anderson movie that ultimately goes nowhere but God is it pretty, I was standing in the middle of Asteroid City surrounded by technicolour charm, but deeply underwhelmed.
Scarlett Johansson as Midge Campbell in Wes Anderson’s Asteroid City.
Wearing nothing but a striped towel nonetheless, I delivered a response via monologue about cowardice et ego, that I never planned on saying btw—sh*t was just heavy on my heart I guess! Et even though I absolutely adored the irl cinematic drama of a terry cloth clothed monologue directed at a naked lover under a striped duvet*, it wasn’t even necessary.
This relationship served its purpose months ago, everything after that was a dragged out dopamine hit. See where instant self gratification has gotten us?! Naked et afraid (of our own feelings).
I wasn’t necessarily torn up that things had to end, but with every breakup: casual, platonic, friendship, romantic, whatever, there’s a sense of disappointment. Whether in yourself, how things ended or why. Personally I was disappointed that I apparently somehow gave off ‘It’s okay, I’ll just sleep with you until you love me’ energy. Me? I’M giving Cassie Howard??? It’s also disappointing to realize that maybe I found myself wrapped up in yet another intimacy experiment due to winter stagnation. Whoops…
Also with every breakup, you’re given a reason to cement the death of an old era with a gift to yourself. Making room for something that serves you, or something you can serve in.
What I wanted was the Van Cleef & Arpels Vintage Alhambra reversible ring (for my pinky), but while I was clowning around on the internet looking at things I couldn’t afford because I was somehow digital window shopping like I’m a newly minted ex-WAG or something, along came SSENSE et with that, the SSENSE exclusive y/Project Gray Y-Belt mini skirt made its way back to me.
For context, I’ve wanted this skirt for ages but it was always sold out in my size, but then it appeared so, when I wasn’t even looking for it, et on sale.
So maybe leaving what no longer serves you sucks et you’ll miss the sex, et the compliments et the flowers, but it’s worth knowing that what’s meant for you will always find its way back —whether it’s a skirt, a new era, or something even better.*
FOOTNOTES
*Another realization: I like stripes???
*Also, this is the second time a fashion piece I wanted found its way back to me shortly after its Creative Director announced a leave. First was Dries. There is symbolism here.
